Reality is essential for a leader. How clearly do we see and know ourselves as leaders? John Calvin once wrote, “Nearly all wisdom we possess, that is to say, true and sound wisdom, consists of two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves.” Yet, too often I have ignored the pursuit of self-knowledge, ignorant of the damage to my self and others my delusions of who I am as a leader can result.
Then Jesus said to them, ‘You will all fall away because of me this night. For it is written, ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’ But after I am raised up, I will go before you to Galilee.” Peter answered him, ‘Though they all fall away because of you, I will never fall away.” Jesus said to him, ‘Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.’ Peter said to him, ‘Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you!’ And all the disciples said the same.
Matthew 26:31-35
This passage highlights the distance between a leader’s self-knowledge and the depth of God’s perfect knowledge of who we are.
Jesus says “all,” but Peter says “they.”
Peter says, “I will never,” but Jesus says, “you will…”
“I will never fall away.”
A careless remark? Perhaps.
A boast? Certainly.
But also a statement of Peter’s understanding of his love and loyalty to Jesus. Peter does not see his own pride in setting himself apart from the other disciples. Jesus knew the depths of Peter’s heart. Jesus could see how circumstances would overwhelm the surface level of Peter’s self-knowledge, putting his boasting and pride to fire.
“…you will deny me three times.”
Not once.
Not twice.
But three times.
Jesus knows the depths of our character. Jesus knows better than ourselves the circumstances in which we will “fall away.” We tell ourselves stories of our bravery and our boldness, then watch as fear and panic overtake us in reality. Jesus knows we dilute ourselves out of lack of self-knowledge.
Peter may have believed that they would not fall away. He had good intentions, but in the testing, Peter is proved wrong and Jesus correct. It is in the crucible of the test, the fear, pressure, and difficulty of circumstances, that reveal with crystalline clarity the more precise nature and character of who we are. It is here, in the weight of trials and troubles, that we receive greater self-knowledge.
“Never…”
“Never!” you say?
Even when your spouse disagrees with you?
When your kids look at you in disappointment?
When your friends reject you?
When your board of elders doubts you?
When your peers abandon you?
When culture mocks you?
When the mob of social media attacks you?
Never? Do you really know yourself that well?
“Never” is the language of leadership self-ignorance.
Peter’s delusion, “all ” does not mean me. When the moment came, Peter’s first instinct was to act in anger trying to cut and kill with the sword the high priest’s servant.
He’s prideful in his boasting.
Angry in his rage.
Fearful in the ongoing trials.
Where am I am in my pride?
Are you well-meaning in your boasts, but ignorant that, though they are well intended, these casual and flippant remarks demonstrate a lack of self-knowledge and self-awareness– a pridefulness?
“And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, ‘Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you.'” Matthew 16:22
Matthew 16:22
Only a delusional leader, a self-ignorant leader, a pride-filled leader, can look God directly in the face and rebuke him. What must the depth of our pride as leaders be to tell God, “I am right, and you are wrong?” Yet how often do we in our own leadership delusions do this very thing in, thought, word, and deed?
Where am I am in my anger?
In the heat of the moment will you strike in anger? Will you turn your back on all that you have learned from Jesus? Peter walked with Jesus for three years and his first instinct at that moment of Jesus’ arrest was to pull a sword from its scabbard and strike at his enemy. Had he not learned that he must love his enemies? How do you not learned that violence was not the way of Jesus? Or perhaps, he had not the self-knowledge to understand the depths of his anger.
Where am I at in my fears?
Are you overwhelmed with circumstances that as you watch them emerge, take form and shape, scare you in places inside yourself you did not know? Do your thoughts begin to well up into fears that drive decisions and behaviors you would have never anticipated or would have even repudiated? Do you want to flee, hide, escape, and deny truths about yourself in public? Do your boasts of bravery and courage ebb away in fear?
How often have I, in my delusion believed what was untrue of me and deny what was most accurate of me only to see it spill out into personal defeat?
For Peter, it was to deny Jesus three times. What will it be for you?
Peter demonstrates three species of leadership self-delusion
Boasting and pride.
Anger and murderous rage.
Fear and escapism.
Pride: Here is Peter, a leader who walked with Jesus for three years. A leader certain of his resolve, now abandoning Jesus and denying Jesus.
Anger: Here is Peter, a leader who knew that Jesus commanded him to love his enemies. A man who knew these things and who, in the pressure of that moment, pulled forth his sword from its scabbard and attempted to slay the servant of the high priest.
Fear: Here is Peter, a leader now filled with fear. Fear of the circumstances. Fear of the realities around him. Here is Peter, the man who called Jesus, “… the Christ, the Son of the living God” now fearing for his own life. A man who walked with Jesus for three years. A man who had seen Jesus perform miracles and the man who heard Jesus talk about the kingdom and eternal life; this is the man who now fears for his own life.
Jesus knows Peter better than Peter knows himself just as Jesus knows all leaders at such a depth.
Jesus knows our pride.
Jesus knows of our anger and our rage.
And Jesus knows of our fear.
And yet it is this same man, the prideful, angry, and fearful man, of whom Jesus said, “You are a rock.” Just as clearly as Jesus sees our own self-delusion, Jesus sees His restoration manifested in our lives as leaders.
Jesus’s tenderness, grace, and patience with Peter is the hope for every leader. He takes all of our self-delusion and replaces it with restoration and hope. Jesus supplants the delusions of leaders with the sure knowledge and reality of himself. We merely need to open ourselves to it each day. We must see the true reality of who we are as leaders.
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